Yesterday, I competed in my first post-collegiate race! I finished 10th overall and first among the women in the Bellingham Bay Half Marathon.
A smorgasbord of post-race thoughts:
1. One of my hopes and goals for retiring from the NCAA was to be a beginner again: to race new track events & run from a place of curiosity, without any expectations or ensuing value judgments for my performance. It was SO. FUN. to be a first timer in a running event today! (I haven’t tried a new race distance in 5.5 years!). It was refreshing and freeing to run a race knowing I really couldn’t fail, because I had no idea what to expect! The freedom of baseline, of Data Point 1.
2. I used to think that athletes peaked their senior year of college, and that all training after the NCAA was about slowing the decline into eventual, inevitable mediocrity. I’m so glad to be wrong about that. You can continue to be competitive and high performing after college sports. There is so much learning, growth, and meaning after college (even in the realm of sports if you continue playing). AND you can still improve. (For example, I have never been this aerobically fit in my life! And I believe it’s still up from here!).
3. Dispelling another rumor: I also used to think that one’s NCAA era is the best 4 (or in my case, 6) years of their life— a happiness peak, if you will. And truly, that time was insanely special and irreplaceable. I could not overstate and I never want to discount that fact. I cherished every moment & encourage every college athlete to do the same. But there is also so much joy and fulfillment beyond your NCAA years. This first summer of post-collegiate training is the happiest and mentally healthiest approach to running that I’ve had in probably about 7-9 years (yes, since I was a literal teenager). (Perhaps more on that in a later post).
This is not to say that it’s been 100% sunshine and roses since my last NCAA national meet. These are all hard-won thoughts after a mountain of questions, regrets, identity and purpose crises, mental health counseling, and chapters worth of journaling. But it is to say that I’m more than okay right now, and you who are experiencing endings— be it from sports, high school, your job, or a relationship— will be too.
(To;Dr: You can be a beginner in something new, you can continue to grow and get better, and you can find happiness and heal. Sometimes, changing settings/contexts even facilitates that development if you’ve been in the same environment/habit/role for a while. I believe this for others because I’ve seen it in myself these last 5 months. It’s possible, and life really can still get better!).
The More the Marianer 