A Preface on this Letter: This blog post is the one I’m putting up for Week 1 of my summer blogging challenge with Joanne Lee! I’ve had about four weeks to reflect on my freshman year of college and have a LOT to say on it! Some is just personal lessons, but I’ve also found parts of my experience that would be really valuable to share for future college freshmen as well. Without any further ado, here it is:
Dear future freshmen,
Congratulations on graduating! I am so proud of all that you’ve accomplished and excited for what the future has ahead! I know you’re super excited to start school in the fall, move out and get out of the house, taste some independence, and make new friends. That’s good! That means you’re ready.
Hold on to that excitement and don’t lose it. But also listen to what I have to tell you. Four things:
1. I am sorry.
Future freshmen, we who have been through our first year have not always been honest with you. When you’ve asked us how school is going when you saw us at homecoming, we said it was great. When we posted on social media, we only ever put up the good things— the trips to LA, the sporting events that went well, the football games. We were not completely genuine with you. We never told you about the hard parts, because we didn’t want to scare you, and besides, “who would want to hear about that stuff anyway?”
We didn’t tell you how hard it was sometimes because we ourselves weren’t even always sure how or why things were the way they were. We were scared we were doing something wrong, or scared you didn’t want to hear it; when someone asks how college is going, they expect to hear a positive result! So why should we ruin someone’s small talk by telling them what they neither expect, nor want to hear? But that’s not fair. It’s not fair to you or to anyone entering college after you because it sets you up with this false expectation. It makes you think you’ll go to college and that college will just be trips to the city with friends, and the football team winning, and late night donut trips. These are all true things, and they’re wonderful, and so much fun. But they are not the only, or even the main part of post-secondary education.
The fault is no one’s but ours, those who do attend college, for giving the false impression that it is always perfect and fun and easy. It’s nice because it’s pretty and it makes you hopeful, and for that I have no apologies! It’s good to share about what’s good in life.
But when we present you with only a sugarcoated, picture-perfect image of college, you only see the good things, and start to expect only good things. It gets to the point, if you’re anything like me, that when you get to college you’re not prepared for the realities that are harsh and hard.
2. Struggle is normal!!
The truth is, the first semester of college can be hard. You will inevitably miss something. Maybe your family, maybe your car, maybe your friends from high school. You might miss your alone time if it’s your first time having a roommate, or the meals your parents used to cook, or having close relationships with your teachers (now called professors).
You might struggle in school, have a hard time making true friendships, get sick and have nobody to take care of you. You might waver in your faith a bit.
Personally, I struggled with most of these things. It was so hard, I thought of transferring schools, becoming a missionary in another country, or even just dropping out of college. (Lessons were learned from all of these plans. That’s a post for another time though).
I had such an extreme reaction, I think, because I didn’t know that it was normal to struggle.
My brother goes to the same school as I do, and had an amazing experience his freshman year– or so I thought. It wasn’t until two years later when I finally opened up to him about how hard things were that he admitted to me many of his struggles as a freshman. His first-year life wasn’t perfect, like I’d thought; like social media had led me to believe; like nobody’s is.
And here’s the other key thing: it was no fault of my school’s. I wanted to badly to leave, but I would have faced this same reality or something similar anywhere I went. Becoming a freshman in college, especially if you’re living in the dorms, is the biggest transition you’ve probably undergone at this point in your life and thus, will cause you to struggle. What’s important to remember is that struggle is normal, even if nobody ever talks about it. If things are hard, you are not alone.
Struggle is normal, even if nobody ever talks about it.
3. Be patient, and give God time.
If (more likely, when) you hit a rough patch in college, 1. be patient and 2. give it time. It takes time to find your best way to study for college level academic classes. It takes time to build true and lasting friendships. It takes time to find your rhythm in academics and social life and faith and to keep a clean room in this new environment.
I’ll use friendships for an example: you didn’t meet your best friend from high school and instantly have a world of inside jokes and knowledge about the other person; in other words, you weren’t best friends with your best friend when you met! Very rarely, if ever, do you meet someone knowing they’ll become your best friend! Friendships take time. And so do most other meaningful experiences in college.
So if life isn’t rainbows and sunshine your first few months of school, don’t panic as I did. If you don’t have best friends or straight A’s or your life completely together, not only is that okay, that is normal.
On the theme of these things’ taking time, I want to present you with two quotes that kept me going through my first semester of college when things were so hard:
The first is a quote one of my mentors, Denise, gave to me in my senior year of high school, before I even entered the college scene. She told me:
“Just because you’re not comfortable, doesn’t mean you’re not [exactly] where God wants you to be.”
She encouraged me to stay the year, because it takes time to find out why God wants you somewhere. “And after a year,” she told me, “if you still haven’t figured it out and things still haven’t gotten better, then you can always transfer! You’re not committed to four years at the school.” But, she reminded me, you do need time to stick out the tough waiting period and let the skies clear. These things take time. It’s not easy to sit in uncertainty and discomfort, but if anything it teaches you to trust in God while you wait. Which brings me to my next quote!
The second quote is similar to the first. It comes from one of my favorite chapters of the Bible, and was actually also presented to me by Denise as a graduation gift. I kept it framed and in my room the entire year in college. It said this: “But those who put their hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.”
Other translations, in the place of “hope in the Lord,” say, “but those who WAIT on the Lord.” This was a verse I very tightly held on to the first five months of college. (Yes, I was waiting for five months. God takes his time). Sometimes the only thing keeping me there was this reminder to myself: “Wait on the Lord. Wait on the Lord. Put your Hope in the Lord, and wait on him. Better times are coming, and he will not leave you in this place for forever. Wait on the Lord.” That was a mantra I’ll never lose from that season of life. I wasn’t necessarily happy, but I was patient, and I waited on God more faithfully than I ever have before. And God honored that patience.
Graduating seniors, future freshmen, I want to encourage you in the same way. When hard times come, put your patient trust in God as you wait for him to act, for his Spirit to move, for him to give you the next piece of guidance, direction, or blessing.
4. To close…
Continue to look forward to your college years! They truly are amazing! You will indeed meet some of the best friends you ever have. Maybe you will be lucky enough to find them in your first semester of school, but if not, know that it’s normal to meet them way farther down the line. You won’t really know as it’s happening, but you will realize a few months in. But either way, be patient and wait on the Lord. You will indeed have amazing classes that challenge you in a way that is exciting and worthwhile. For me it didn’t happen until my second semester. Maybe it will happen for you in your second year. Again— be patient, and wait on the Lord.
I say these things not to scare you, but to make you ready. So that if struggles do come, you’re not asking yourself “what’s wrong with me?” or “what’s wrong with my school?” but rather, you can go through them knowing that it is normal to struggle and normal to have a hard time. I also say it so that you know that if college is hard, it’s not because you chose the wrong school, or because you’re doing anything wrong. Most everyone struggles, and many people have doubts in their first year. Almost every college student you talk to, if you ask them to open up honestly, will tell you they had a hard time. Try it sometime.
Struggle is not just acceptable and normal, but can even be good! It causes you to trust more heavily in God than on yourself or others. My first five, six, seven months of college were an exercise in learning to wait on, put my hope in, trust in the Lord. While it wasn’t fun at the time, I’m so grateful for that experience of learning to rely on God.
Lastly, this letter doesn’t guarantee that you will have a tough time. Maybe your first semester will be GREAT and things won’t get hard until second semester! Or maybe you’ll be lucky enough to not struggle at all! I spoke out of my experience but it’s different for everyone. The important thing to take away from this is that, if tough times do come, don’t be surprised, don’t panic, and be patient with God through it all. That last one is especially important because there’s a lesson to be learned and/or trust to be built in him through this time. Be patient. You’ll be okay. Wait on the Lord.
To close: While we didn’t open up about the tough times in college, we really were telling the truth when we sai, You will make the memories of a lifetime in college!! It’s gonna be great. Continue to look forward to those good times! Just, don’t panic when you realize that real life is not just a highlight reel. Only good things are on social media and seniors coming back for homecoming are afraid to open up sometimes. That’s why we almost never tell you that college can kick you in the butt. The other kicker though, is that we also learn to love it, and so will you. You’ve got this kiddos!
Sincerely,
Marian Ledesma, 10 June 2019.
This post is part of a ten week long summer blogging challenge with Joanne Lee. This week’s post of mine on Struggle was inspired by her post on Failures. It is an inspiring read, candid, and encouraging! I highly encourage everyone to check it out! To see her most recent blog post, click here!
The More the Marianer 